LIFE

the BIG ♥Two*ZERO♥

& Im not even ready I dont evn feel @0 i feel like a kid still in some ways....

As a kid i neva once thought about growing up neva thought id be ne thing thats y every time the teachers would ask me what i wanted to be the answer would always be different. PPl say they wish they could go back to the days when they were kids when everything didnt matter. but i mean shit i aint that grown n alot shit still dont go meaning. but i would change n go back to my younger days where i would be forced to listen to the orders of other.. nah that shit beneath me i dont listen to no one but miss special... getting older becomin more mature a lady u could say....
im gonna be 20 in a couple of days n theres no turning back im not scared im not afraid. i await my journey n hope it comes wit a punch. SEein what lifhas in store for this deadly beauty......

lol dont I LOOk like a FUCKIN LADy Or What>>>>




iM GROWN NOW i GUESS

I wrote this a couple of months ago. Its s few things that where true about me. Most of these things are still true.
1. I Have more then one favorite color.
2. I have a potty mouth at certain times.
3. I hate females but 工 love them & some of then are ok
4. I have a problem with trusting ppl cuz I've been done wrong a lot.
5. I have really bad relationship problems
6. I love my self more then ne one else could.
7. Most of the people I've called my bestfriends have fucked my over.
8. I have 2 bestfriends now who i love dearly even if i don't speak to
them everyday.
9. I think i ♥ my boyfriend but sometimes idk if i can trust him.
10. Gay Boyz are sexy♡
11. I love ♪;♥
12. Food makes me happy.
13. I once sed i didn't have friends becuz of my trust issuse.
14. I love UCDC
Mekahs crazy, ashlee is goofy, andreas my ♡ , najauna is my nigga i
tell her all my business becuz we love secrets, zakiya is my love.
15. I love lianne (no homo) cuz she jus a real ass females n a losa
jk.
16. I miss high school.
17. I mIss ubrne but I'm not suppose 2.
18. william ∀.k.∀ phresh kinda stole my ♡ wit his charm n
honestly
19. Females that hate me have no reason 己.
20. JasmIn Raedawn Johnson is my bitch ∀.k.∀ my fav cuzzo even thou
she's aggy some time.
21. My fam is crazy n has been thru hell n back.
22. 工 have cuzzins that 工 don't kno.
23. 工 some times hate ppl
24. I have a problem with decidin what 工 wanna be.
25. Some things HOUSE WIFE, ACTRESS, MODEL, OWN MY ∀ BUSINESS, N
ETC..
26. I can be random
27. I have many different alter egos: special k, killa, queen kierra, n
etc.
28. I'm so cutesie
29. Uses to hate skinny jeans now i love them
30. Some told me i look like the porn ☆ lacey duvalle
31.I'm corny
32. I'm crazy
33. I'm not spiteful but i can hold ∀ grudge
34. I change friends like 工 change clothes
35. I love tymechia n stormy
36. I'm so effin adorable
37.i Dont give a fuck About SHit mOSt of the time♥
Kierra

tru feelings

2 u this might seem like bull but 2 me this was my life my ne n every want n desire. something that i kind of always wanted till it turned bad. it went from i love yous to arguments all within a day. we argued so much i don't even remember the first argument. tears struck my face on a daily n my eyes pained ever so often. damn this is really hard. u eva found someone that u wanted to spend ur whole life wit but the thing is they made u feel like shit n after dealin wit them u have low self esteem. fuckkkkk im about to cry. damn this is crazy fuck it im about to jus say wats on my mind. its been 2days since we broke up n thou i ave a smile on my face inside im dyin becuz he was my everything my soul my heart my stone my life. like u dont understand i loved this man wit all my heart n sometimes it jus felt like i was workin alone like i was always waitin by the fone for him to call or lookin out the window wishin hed jus pull up n everytime he fucked me ova i forgave him becuz i loved him i would have did ne n everything for him. which sux i wish so badly every time that something bad happened that it woild jus get betta becuz each day i stayed my feelings grew deeper but my soul was getting messed up in the process. i thought we would jus progress but everytime we tried it again it jus got more n more fucked up. im hurt cuz i love him so much n i really dont want him out my life but can i actually still be friend the same person that almost destroyed me unintentionally. damn its really deep pain throbs thur my soul n the confidence i once had is no longer along for the ride. he penetrates me every thought n now hes gone. ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i hate my life... dyin right now in a bed that i made for my self. ill foreva love 010309 wit tears in my eyes n a broken heart hell always be my knight in shining armer

Thinking

Sittin here thinkin.
Thoughts of a broken soul.
Nothin that could reallly break it cuz nothin has happen that really
could.
Jus feels like its the end the end of everythin.
Maybe jus depression
Something is wrong I'm losin my mind.
I really don't kno what to do ne more.

Crazy thinkin back to the summer when everyone was leavin an andrea made
everyone cry... oh the emotions..

Thinkin back to the begining where there was all happiness n no fights
well maybe jus me gettin mad n then happy again. Where there were no
tears cuz now there always here when u get under my skin cuz i care for
u so much.

Back to the parties they were fun i do admit n the partying life style
had my mind in a twice where the same faces didn't bother me as much as
they do now when i uses to say hi to everyone i knew now I'm jus a bitch
to you oh well that's life.

Summer days turn into summer night chillin wit the ladies doin w.e no
sexual. Fun. Laughs. dancing.

Although i miss the life of partyin i wouldn't go back cuz its not my
thing no more i wanna jus chill sit back n relax. Jus realize what
someone sed was true there are to different sides well there's more then
that but to specific sides. There's special n then there's Kierra.
Special was the partyin lovin girl. N Kierra Jus wants love n wants to
chill.

Kierra jus recently came to life.

Its like i think a lot well way more then a lot now. N my thoughts are
so scattered that when i smoke i think about 20-30 things at a time n
before i thought it was jus being overly high but its actually all the
thoughts that are really in my head come more to light n i keep
everything to myself so does ne one really kno me.

Well actually they do cuz i say what i feel when I'm asked....

I'm really jus half crazy..
Kierra

Is this wat it is

Damn right now i feel like cry.
It seems like this might be the end. Or like were at a stand still.
How can u love someone so much that u put them before u but they don't
see ne thin that u do.
U stop everythin ur doin to talk to them n they can't see it.
How'd it all get so crazy so fast.
One min we in love the next we jus here
Like i lost soul in limbo.

It feels like I'm still in love but u lost ur interest n the only thing
is that u don't wanna lose me. If its like that I'd rather know then jus
b sittin her lookin like a dummy stuck n in love. Every day it gets
harder n harder n harder to let go cuz its like u can't jus let go of
somethin that uve grown to love. Was it really love on ur end.

It feels as though u was forced to fake the love cuz i loved u so much.
Hurt about it yet I'm keepin my cool cuz I'm a woman n i gotta keep my
cool. Can't let the world see my pain. But then there's the other thin
that i can't hide most of my pain becuz the emotions run thur my blood n
kill my soul.

Intense.

Damn now i really feel like cryin...
Fuck why'd I'd have to love why couldn't this be like the others y
couldn't i jus leave it as friends. I wouldn't be as hurt as i am right
now.
I've been thur so much in the last 5 months. I don't want it to end..
Fuck the tears are comin n my ♡ is hurtin..
This pain runs deep. I'm tired of bein hurt. Ova n ova again it seems
like the pain only get worst everytime i try.

I'm tired of tryin I'm all out of sanity.
I jus wanna have someone who feels how i feel cuz my love does run deep
n I'm to givin well this time. I gave my ♥ n my all n it seems as thou
i got shitted on where the fuck is the person who sed they'd love me
foreva n lookin the other way would neva be an opition.

Damn i failed this time.
I don't want no other options i rather be alone. Cuz a hurt alone is
better then the pain of ♡ ache.

Idk. For right now ill hold on till i see the truth.
Kierra

aha

Have U eva felt a way so much that it was startin to take ova ur life.
Like there was nothin that u could think about more. But its like uva
have this feelin for a while..
Incredibly for about 5 years eva since u got ur first taste of estacy.
N its like every song u listen to jus puts the thought in ur head. N u
feel weird cuz u don't kno ne one that has the same thought but when u
find someone who has the same thoughts if nOt more.
N all of a sudden ur thoughts change its like wtf is going on thru out 2
months ur body goes thur changes. U start to think ur crazy n the
seasons start to change. Then ur feelings start to come back so now ur
feelin like ur buggin.
Ur thinkin like wtf is happenin to me n ur to embarressed to say ne
thing to ne one but then u realize that the way ur body was actin is
becuz it was reactin to chemicals that u put in it.

AHa MOMEnT
Kierra

Jus thoughts

Its LIke we fight we make up.
We break Up n wit AnGry thOughts stilL hIt each other Up.
We get mAd we get sad.
But at the enD Of the day all that sadness N all the AnGer goes aWay.
Is thiS what seriOus RelAtionshIps are LIke.

AlThOugh there Are Fights NO pHysical, n alThough there Are
DisaGreeMents. At the enD of the Day All I Can thINk is That I've Neva
BeEn HappIer n at ThE Same TiMe I've neVa BeEn so sad. BUt its LIke the
hApPiNess OUt Ways The SadNess. The PeoPLe aroUnd Us Don't UNdersTand
Us. But do they eva whEn it coMes to 2 PeoPle In a ReLatiOnshIp if theIr
ONly On the Outside LOOKiN in.

I'M mOre coNfortabLe whEn I lAy In ur arMs that I coULd JUs FalL asleep
N mOst of The time I do. I trust u with MY Life N That's CraZy to Me.

I wanT thiS To Last N I Hope It DoES.
HOpeFulLY ..
I JUs doNt wAnT my ♡ to GET brOken aGaIn.
Kierra

I'm Jus Me♥

There Will Neva Be anOther
The World wouldn't be abLe to HanDle
AnOther KIerra??
I DOuBt it.
Don't Get mE wrong I'm NOt Bad..

IMMa SWeeTHeart. Don't u THINK so.♥♥

DefiNitioN OF Me.

Sweet LOVeaBLe, Kierra MaRie JeanNette JOHnson. I am ∀ Queen IN MY Own
MINd n NO One wIlL eva ChanGe that. There aRe mY friEnds Of UCDc That
call Me KILLa Or The BabYDoLL ICe CrEaM. SoMe KNOw Me As QuEen KIerra Or
SpECiAL K. I'M very EmotiONal. But i HIde MY emotiONs OfteN froM those
Who around Me. I KNO its BAd BUT doNt JudGe Me.
I'M NICE when I wanNa Be n can aUtoMaticAllY turn INto A B*$&#. I'M Jus
Me N I'M nOt LIke NO Other TrUst Me.. ULl NevA FiNd iN a MILlI anOther
Gurl LIKe Me uNLess She's MY dAuGHTer n IN that cAse sheLL Be wOrst. N
HavE ∀ MIxture OF Her FATHER....

I'M aM THE queen♡

Kierra

At this Time

I LOVe You bUT i LoVe me MOre

Its lIke sometimes U LIsten SoMetimes U don't

Don't Get Me WronG IlL Neva stOP LOViN U
Ur mY Heart N MY soUL♥

We JUs Need to work ON Our CoMmUNiCatiON
&& i don't wanna FalL OUtta LOVe eva.

IT JUs HURts SoMestiMe.

SoMetimes i Jus thiNK I'm so cute ♥

It may seem as thou in strong. At times i am.
It may seem as though I'm struck with sadness with in minutes. And at times i am.
It may seem as though i smile not to put others in bad moods. At times i do.
I think about the world before myself. But for those who think about them selves would not be able to see this because they are blinded.
I fear that because of my passive ways those who do not care for me will walk through my soul and damage what confidence i have left.
Strucken with fear pained by sadness. LOve seems to come easy But at the same time hard. I fear of letting down my guard cuz my insecurities will take control.
Everyday life has taken a toll and my fears are still there and sometimes they might show.
I'm not childish and I'm not a child. I carry myself as a woman but even the stongest of women have their down falls.

LOve LIfe

So there's These females who in a lil over about 2 years I've grown to love the hell out of. LIke its crazy cuz like i honestly didn't believe i had friends. N shit i still don't these females are more like my bitches/my sisters. Like when it comes to my life they kno pretty much everything about me.
♥
Damn i really loves these females. Ucdc+lianne are like my negros for life. They might think I'm crazy n that i have a few screws loose shit i think I'm outta my mind half the time. But oh well. They still my girls thou n will always be no matter who else comes around.
♥
NO Homo their apart of my lOVe life becuz they withoUt a doubt are My LOVers For eva. No HOmO.
♥

I LOVe U MekaH(madiSoN Barbie|★| )
I LOve u NajauNa(mOdel DiVa |♡|)
I lOVe u ZAKIYA(Jai BarbIe, zakYra idk y i call u that|:-)|)
I LOVe U AnDrea( BuGGa, tickel Fickel Wickel|:-*|)
I LOVe U Ashlee(shLee, salT N Pepper|:-p|)
I LOVe U LIaNne(BabYs MOther|;-)|)

selfish

MY mom sed I'm selfish cuz i complain about my bf goin to help his friends. Ok its ok if u go help ur friends but don't tell me at the last min. When I'm suppose to b on my way to come meet u. I'm not selfish cuz this shit happens ova n ova n again n its really fuckin annoyin.

I could see if he hit me up like a hour before, or told me when i talked to him atleast 45 mins before. N i wouldn't prob. Been that mad. But now I'm heated becuz it seems as though me waitin for him is becomin an everyday thing n its really aggy.
&heart;
I swear ALL dudes are dumb at some point cuz all they really do is think about them selves.

Maybe I'm jus really ∀ bitch n everything jus aggervates the shit outta me.... nah f that it aint me its the motherfreakin world.

Lmao i really don't care no more I'm def mad selfish n idc cuz i deserve to be. I'm lil mIss Special n that's how i should be treated cuz I'm a mother freakin queen.

im not always gonna be happy

i have many flaws n many ups n downs. my attitude goes from 0 to 10 with in seconds, its uncontrolable sometimes i jus get so pissed off i dont kno what to do with my self. there have been many times where i have gotten so mad that ive cried. as sad as it seems ive lived to face another day right. sometimes ppl jus dont kno how to communicate wit me n thats fine i do admit that i dont kno how to express myself as much as i should. well sometimes i dont kno how to express myself at all.

♥

it might seem as though im always tryna find love. but i think ive found it im jus afraid i might lose it. jus becuz of the arguement. and shit that doesnt get solved. we jus fight n make up nothin gets resolved. so constantly i have the same feelings n they jus dwell all over my mind n more n more they build. constantly hurting me.

♥

how can i get back to where i uses to b. HAPPY. not saying that im not happy i am very happy. its just sometimes i dont kno how to handle things that hurt me. i wish i could jus express my self. its hard to explain. ive jus realized i cant always be happy i guess.

Phresh

Damn. So its been like almost 3 months n like i go out wit this guy who at this point shall remain nameless maybe ill name him in a few. but who would have thought that i ☆☆«·´`·.(*·.¸☆Ｑu33и КiΣяя∀★¸.·*).·´`·»☆☆ would have fell as hard as i fell with in a few short months 4 to be exact. I neva knew that I'd actually find someone that i so into my ♡ stopped when i couldn't get in contact with him. That's crazy. I was like a nigga before i met him i mean my thing was fuck niggas n fuck their hearts becuz i kno they don't care about mine. I uses to love that life style cuz it was like i couldn't get my ♥ broken n i can't get caught up or mad if he's fuckin wit the next bitch or if I'm doin what i think he's doin but now I'm on that i love him n I'm neva gonna leave him cuz that's how i really feel. Once a heartless cold blooded bitch turned lover that's crazy. Like what makes it as crazy as it is, is that everyone thought that i would always be on my i don't give a fuck about ur feelins or i don't give a fuck about shit. But i actually do. N i don't cheat. meaning i really care about him becuz Ｓ:-(ＲＲＹ to say but there have been times when i didn't really care about the person enough to not cheat but damn I'm not that girl no more. I'm actually a BREATHLESS LOVeR n i actually like the feelin of being in lOVe especially wit him damn that's my kINg. I LOVe him so MUch I'd give my worlD up jus so that his has no sadness. Cuz when i look in his eyes all the evils in the world go away. im def in LoVE With King PHresh.